Isolation

Cee and Chris

When I went through the certification training to teach the Grief Recovery Method, I had a personal moment of enlightenment.  I discovered that living with loss forced me into isolation.  And with each successive loss in my life, isolation become more and more my modus operandi, my way of living life.

I thought I was so clever to analyze the patterns of loss and come up with that revelation, until the instructor pointed out that he had written that on the white board for us during the very first day of class.  His comment had gone right over my head, until I stumbled across it by accident while doing my homework.

I didn’t come up with that on my own, but I did live it for decades without realizing it.  Now I hear people in my groups come to the same clarity of understanding.  Isolation is the most common…

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7 Comments

  1. I am completely isolated. I don’t even really know how to have conversations with others anymore that I meet while out on a walk as a neighbor passes by, i over talk that’s for sure

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I was like that and still am to a certain point. I know as I work through my grief issues and illness issues I want to be around people more and more. Thanks so much for sharing a piece of yourself.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Isolation is a very widespread issue – it’s not just an issue from loss / grief. It is often a result of being different in some way from the ‘in crowd’ who control interaction at school and in the early stages of work. I believe that some people need to put other people down just to ensure their own stability in the world they live in. The people they put down either suffer as a consequence (suicides, low esteem, etc) or they decide to stand on who they are and ignore the bullies who are usually pretty shallow in themselves. Controlling Isolation through hobbies and interests and not giving in to the people who need to put you down for their own ends is a good positive policy. With apologies for the language, Nil Bastardi Carborundum – don’t let the bastards grind you down! I’ve experienced lots of the negatives of not fitting in as a transport enthusiast and if you hang on in there standing by your own principles and beliefs, a while down the road your detractors will come around. I hope that’s illustrated a point but I must apologise for moving the discussion beyond the Grief scenario.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for contributing to the conversation, 2e0mca. I would have to agree with you that isolation is a very widespread issue. You say that isn’t a grief issue. Cee and I take a little different approach to grief. We believe that grief is the reaction to loss, and being different is a HUGE loss. Being with a group of peers is very important, especially to young people. When that groups turns on you, you suffer a lot of loss. It speaks of loss of comfort and company, sometimes even of personal freedom and safety. It speaks of loss of personal identity and self-esteem, too, because if we aren’t good enough for our peers, what does that say about our value?

      Yes, we can ignore the bullies, and that’s probably a good idea, but we still feel the “slings and arrows”, to borrow from Shakespeare. Yes, we do have to stick by who and what we are. I completely agree. But those are intellectual concepts that don’t help the pain of a broken heart. You still feel the loss, and the grief.

      By the way, I would love to be your friend as a transport enthusiast. I adore trains, especially steam trains. There is nothing like riding a train, or watching and feeling them go by. Cee and I once rode a narrow gauge steam train that climbed the side of a mountain servicing the old silver mines in Colorado. All it did was take supplies up and bring the ore down. At one point it travels over an incredible wooden trestle bridge. There isn’t enough flat land for a round table, so to have the train reverse direction, they decouple the engine, back it down a siding and then couple it back onto the other end of the train. We were lucky enough to be in the first car and could hang out to see the engineer slowly back the engine up and watch the coupling mechanism engage. Even though we were watching every inch of the way, we never felt the the thump we were expecting as the engine connected. We had an amazing engineer driving that train.

      And it was fun to join you on and off topic!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thanks for your understanding and providing the forum for my thoughts Chris. I really needed to get that off my chest!

        Love your tale of the train in Colorado. Sounds like a great run 🙂 Nice to meet you Chris – Best wishes, Martin 🙂

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