My first AHA! moment

Cee and Chris

My first AHA! moment that I had while reading “It’s Never Too Late” was that my career for decades has been as a professional sick person.  Julia Cameron was talking about how people feel lost when they retire.  They’ve always seen themselves as their profession, and when that’s gone they don’t know who they are any more.  That’s exactly how I feel.

For those who haven’t read my Lyme story, I almost died three times from Lyme Disease.  I have finally healed to the point where it isn’t a daily threat, and then I spent a couple of years learning to trust that I was better.  I haven’t worked in ten years because of Lyme, so I never had a career.  But I realized while reading Julia Cameron’s book that I was really a professional sick person.  My job every day was to work to stay alive, then to…

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12 Comments

  1. Seems to me a really good read – everything that makes you feel more confident and whole is so important! It is not only what the author writes, but also how it is written.

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  2. Will pray for your good health Cee🤗
    You have been through hell and you have won the battle everytime.Your fight with Lyme disease inspired me today.God bless you always🤗

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  3. One of the really WONDERFUL things about writing — AND photography — is that you don’t ever lose your profession because it isn’t a job. It’s the thing you do that makes you happy. I was a professional writer. I’m now a previously professional writer. You have NO idea how much I love being able to write for fun without an editor hanging over my shoulder. I never felt I’d lost my professions — possibly because my health began to crumble before I stopped working. And it has crumbled and there are things I can’t do, but I don’t think of myself as professionally sick. I DO think of myself as professionally poor and getting old. I resent the whole “old” thing. It wasn’t in my plans. I don’t think it is in anyone’s’ plans. Garry is SO much happier since he stopped working. He no longer needs blood pressure medication because his BP is normal. Of course, for a guy his age, he is healthy as a horse. I can’t say the same thing, but I have so many different physical issues, I can’t be “just sick.” As long as my heart is working, I don’t get a resurgence of cancer and the new iron pills bring up my red blood cells to normal.

    I have been very, very close to death — but it was something different each time. Or maybe I’m tougher than I think I am. I’m amazed I’m alive. I’m THRILLED I’m alive. I keep reminding my few friends that live locally that we really shouldn’t waste any time because y’know, we’re all getting kind of old and that’s not going to change. Medicine hasn’t conquered that yet (though we all live in hope).

    I’m glad you are feeling better. Chronic illness is actually much harder to break free of then other kinds of medical emergencies. Of course, I worry that cancer will come back. My mother, my brother and three out of four grandparents died of cancer so I’d be a fool to not be concerned. But I don’t brood on it because there’s NOTHING I can do except get regular checkups. I hope my heart and all its patches keeps pumping. I wish someone would come up with a cure for arthritis, but that doesn’t seem very likely. But I’m still on my feet even if I walk very slowly and carefully.

    I remember when I went in for what was supposed to be a relatively minor heart surgery and it wasn’t so minor. They told me AFTER the surgery I was going to feel so much better. Except — my heart never made me feel ill. I didn’t even know I HAD a heart problem until I was informed that “No, really, you have a problem.” But I didn’t think I had cancer until both breasts were involved. So I knew I wasn’t going to feel better unless they were fixing my spine too because THAT was what hurts. And that is MY chronic problem. And — it isn’t going to get better but I’m hoping like hell it doesn’t get worse.

    We’re all going to have issues as we age. There are a few people who are amazingly healthy despite being really old, but that’s not most of us. What we ALL do is the best we can despite whatever is bothering us.

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    1. Thanks so much for sharing your story here Marilyn. I was sick with Lymes since my early 20s, so I just never knew what healthy felt like. I am beginning to learn what healthy feels like. Sure there is still healing going on because my body went through 30+ year trauma of being sick, but all infections and symptoms of Lyme disease is now gone. What a good feeling that is.

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