I feel fine, and thank you for asking

Cee and Chris

Yesterday’s post on self-talk drew some heartfelt comments.  I can tell it touched a chord.  I’d like to continue the discussion.

If you haven’t read Na’ama’s story about the little girl who stops to check in with her body before answering a question about how she’s feeling, please jump back a day and read it.  That little girl has a valuable lesson to teach us all.

I’d like to tie that story in with the comment that colonialist made about how we report on our health as a moral value (good vs bad) instead of just responding with how we are actually feeling, like the little girl in Na’ama’s story.

We are so conditioned to come up with the right answer, aren’t we?

How are you?

What’s the right answer?  Do I play it safe and just say “okay” like I’m supposed to?  Do I speak my truth and alienate…

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15 Comments

  1. Well
    Sometimes it is just social manners and discretion to be careful to what you share and when. There are not the right places and not everyone is a safe and trustworthy place – and so at times the social
    Norm to respond with okay is appropriate and is not being taken – it more of a custom –
    Further – it could be tacky to be heavy and let it all out/
    But we must nit forget cuiture Norms And sure we need to have an authentic voice and get comfortable Opening up and at times being transparent – but because society is true way it is – we use discretion and find the right support systems – I have a video to share that connects specially to the “how are you” cuiture differences responses
    Be back later to share it

    Like

      1. Of course we are part of that – oh wow – great point !
        And some need to be challenged or just not abided by

        But as a counselor I see a need for privacy and there are reasons why we don’t let it flow like a faucet when some one asks how are you.
        There are social graces and timing and most important – we need to be mindful of who we share intimate details with –
        And I know the original idea is to not necessarily get too heavy when we keep it real – but some folks can
        And sometimes when we met too much unfold in a coridial greeting – well it becomes a downer and can pull from progress

        Check out facial hypothesis feedback theory

        The face we make sends messages to the Brain
        The talks we have impact everyone and sometimes too much heaviness or too much”raw” is just not idea for multiple reasons –
        But trust me – I get the essence here –
        ;$

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I have had further thoughts on this, and a point that comes to mind is the sincerity of the enquirer. If it is simply a casual, conventional utterance with about the same importance as ‘Hi’, then an ‘OK. You?’ response would do. If, on the other hand, the person enquires with apparent interest, ‘And how have you been keeping? How are you?’ then it is an invitation to open up a bit.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. When People ask me how I am I just say Fine, Okay or Good. Public Face. Private Face. Obviously People are being polite but I don’t feel that I should share anything about myself if I don’t want to or it makes me uncomfortable. Actually I learned my lesson the hard way about sharing. As my parents used to say, Don’t put your Business out in the Street. People will use what they know about you to destroy you. Best to clip their Wings before they get started with nonsense and foolishness.

    That’s why I began taking steps back and away from social media. Deleted one of my Blogs. Also deleted many of my blog Posts from my writing Blog. I was going to delete the entire Blog but it is the parent to and combined with my Photography Blog Roaming Urban Gypsy which I want to keep. After being harassed and stalked I eliminated the Comments Section. Being vulnerable and trusting people was and has been one of my biggest mistakes. Now I’m paying for it. Fortunately I had the good sense to cut certain people off so that I can start fresh.

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    1. I usually don’t talk a lot on social media. I purposely stay away from the biggies, politics, religion and hatred/anger. I usually don’t even read posts that has to do with those topics. I won’t even follow people if that’s all they do. I’m sorry you learned the hard way.

      Like

      1. My Blog Post had nothing to do with those topics but another topic I hate is health. It’s turned into a battle ground. My personal health, feelings and emotions are nobody’s Business but mine. People really like bad news. They are looking for a Sob Story. The Disease of the Month Club. But at this point I’m done. Reached my breaking point. Totally disgusted. I will continue to write my stories but it will be a very long time before I turn on Comments. Staying away from the subjects that you mentioned doesn’t mean that people won’t come after you for other reasons. As much as we try to ignore or avoid hate it will come looking for you. No matter how you try to get away. Eventually I would like to go completely off Grid.

        Like

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